Bruised knees? Check. Bruised ego? Double Check.

Baltimore Travel

Baltimore TravelI’m recently back from yet another family trip … this time to Baltimore for my cousin Mel’s wedding. As one might expect, it wasn’t nearly as debaucherous as my previous trip to the Key’s for her bachelorette extravaganza, but I did still manage to learn a thing or two in Bodymore, Murderland. Not the least of which was that introducing my knee to the B-town sidewalk does not a comfortable walk home make.

What else did I learn in Charm City you ask? It’s not a long list, but it is a good one!

I’m recently back from yet another family trip … this time to Baltimore for my cousin Mel’s wedding. As one might expect, it wasn’t nearly as debaucherous as my previous trip to the Key’s for her bachelorette extravaganza, but I did still manage to learn a thing or two in Bodymore, Murderland. Not the least of which was that introducing my knee to the B-town sidewalk does not a comfortable walk home make.

What else did I learn in Charm City you ask? It’s not a long list, but it is a good one!

 

1. Humor came down through the Pruden side. There’s no doubt about it, getting this side of the family together for any reason usually results in an inordinate amount of binge drinking and even more hysterical laughing (typically induced by all the booze). It seems the only person who doesn’t find our antics amusing is my mother. Of course, this could be due to our subtly inappropriate behavior (I lose the term ‘subtle’ loosely) rather than heredity, but we’ll blame it on genetics anyway. It’s a good thing ma dukes is a pretty good sport.

2. Apparently, so did the ‘funky town’ gene. I couldn’t tell you if any one of us, after who knows how many bourbon and gingers, can actually get our groove on but that certainly doesn’t stop us trying. First prize goes to cousin Casey (the youngest of the King Crew – yes, he’s over 21) for his utter shamelessness on the dance floor and his rare ability to keep his dinner and drinks down even while he be shufflin in his pimp suit.

3. Hipsters have migrated north. I’m not sure whether I dislike hippies or hipsters more. No matter. What irritates me about them equally is the way they stare down their collective noses at you like you’re doing something wrong – whether that something is not eating shrooms out of cow shit (more on that later) or not wearing skinny jeans and Chucks. Sure Baltimore hosts a different breed of hipster than their Southern counterparts (a little more blue collar swagger), but there’s no shortage of these judgy assholes in this rust belt city. Who knew.

4. Pedestrian crossings are treacherous. Even totally sober and in the middle of the day, all the construction in Baltimore is an accident waiting to happen for sightseers. I just wish I could explain that to my sprained ankle and busted knee so they’d take pity on me and let me walk without a limp again. Hey Public Works Department! Yeah, I’m talking to you. You’re not supposed to leave giant holes in the middle of crosswalks in a city where drivers take great pride in running down pedestrians. We can’t pay attention to the homicidal motorists and look where we’re walking too.

5. As it turns out, so are curbs and cabs. Okay, so this is really only relevant when you’ve had to leave a wedding two hours early because of over consumption. Nevertheless, I definitely learned a valuable lesson here about how very helpful the bell staff is at The Tremont Hotel on St. Paul (thanks again for picking me up off the sidewalk fellas). Also, spraining your ankle and jamming your knee into concrete twice in one day is not a particularly comfy way to end what was otherwise a truly happening mini vacation. Oh well, at least I’ve still got all my teeth.

So, I guess the lesson learned on this trip is that the Pruden clan and copious amounts of alcohol don’t mix. Or, maybe they mix just fine except for some bruised knees … and egos. In either case, I’ve had a pretty comprehensive tour of the Baltimore bar scene, including OttoBar, Dionysus, Owl Bar, Red Maple and The 13th Floor (to name but a few) and I can honestly say it’s a city filled to the brim with people who know how to have a good time … although they may not return your credit card if left at the bar (I’m looking at you Red Maple)! All that liquor consumption probably helps them stay warm in those arctic style winters because, really, who needs a coat when you’ve got a bottle of Jameson?! I’ll drink to that.

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